I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
