I faked an abortion last night.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
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