I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
