Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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