Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize
