I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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