Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
