I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
