Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize