if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
