did you get engaged???
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
