I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
birth control should be required to get into college
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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