im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
