At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm passing your future prison.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
