How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
40s are totally the cure
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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