im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
