I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
