just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
