I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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