omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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