I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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