Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
