I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
