OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
