i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
