If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
