I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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