I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
