ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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