You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
