i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
don't judge my taste in strippers
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
