i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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