I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
