We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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