Only a mothe r could love this liver
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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