she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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