I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
