i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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