I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
