guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
