So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
