I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
