remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
babies were throwing up all over the place
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
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just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
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Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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