We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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