They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
