trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
