Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
