why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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