also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
