I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
