He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
false alarm. still invincible.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
