Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
