its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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