I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
