ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
