babies were throwing up all over the place
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
