so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
