What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
