He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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