We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
