I want to walk on stilts...naked
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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