moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Randomize
