do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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