I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
