Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
