Soap is not a condiment
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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