my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
