i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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