just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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