You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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