Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
