I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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