How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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