How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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